What If Regulated Doesn't Feel Like What You Think?

You've tried the things. You still feel like garbage. But what if your self care is actually working — and you just don't recognize it because regulated doesn't feel like what you think it does?

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Transcript

What You Expect Feeling Better To Be

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So let me ask you something. When you imagine feeling better, like really better, what does that look like? Be honest. I think for most of us, we picture something like waking up energized and moving through the day with ease and feeling at peace, maybe even happy. We're unchallenged, unbothered, and finally blissfully okay. And so we try the thing: the sound bath, the journaling, the breathing exercise, the yoga class, and we don't feel that. We feel eh, fine. Or slightly less terrible, or exactly the same, but now also a little annoyed that it didn't work. So we conclude that these things don't work, or maybe we didn't do it right, or maybe we're just too far gone for any of the self-care stuff to cure us. Here's what I have to say to that. You are not too far gone. The thing might actually be working. You just don't know what working is supposed to feel like. And that's not your fault because nobody told you. My name is Crystal McLean, and I'm a somatic practitioner and nervous system educator at the intersection of social justice, science, and creativity. And I'm teaching folks how to craft radical self-care spells so they can effectively manage stress, build resilience, and gain agency in their lives. If you'd like to support this work, you can join us at The Uprising. To learn more, visit CrystalMcLaneCreative.com. So let's talk about what we've been sold. The wellness industry has spent a lot of money convincing you that self-care is a product or a routine or a ritual, but it's something you buy or do or achieve that delivers happiness, like a package on your doorstep. And I'll be honest, some of those things are genuinely useful, like a skincare routine. It can clear up conditions that typically make you feel self-conscious and it can connect you to your body, and it can also be pretty grounding. Just like attending a sound bath can be fairly regulating, and a yoga class can shift your nervous system state in real and meaningful ways. The problem isn't necessarily the tool. The problem is the expectation we bring to the tool and the complete absence of any honest conversation about what we're actually working toward. Because here's the thing: life is always going to be hard. No, it shouldn't be this fucking hard. That's just disgusting. But the reality is grief is always going to show up. Fear is always going to show up. Anger, uncertainty, loss, exhaustion, all of it is going to keep showing up. And that's not a problem to solve. That's just the nature of being alive. And so self-care was never going to change that. What it can change, however, is your capacity to move through it. So here's a myth buster. Self-care is supposed to make you feel good. Feeling good can absolutely be an outcome of this work. But if that's the only outcome you're measuring, you're gonna miss everything that's actually happening. So here's the truth: real self-care builds your capacity to feel everything, including the good stuff. But first, it builds your capacity to survive the hard stuff without it completely knocking you out. Resilience and regulation are not synonymous with happiness. It means you can be sad without drowning, angry without exploding, scared without shutting down, and uncertain without spiraling. It means you can move through the grief instead of getting stuck in it. Feel the fear and still make a choice. Have enough of yourself left over after the hard stuff to actually access some joy, creativity, and peace when they're available. Now, that's not very Instagrammable, and there's no before and after photo you can take of that. But it is everything. So if you've been doing the work and wondering why you don't feel happy or energized or peaceful, I've got to break it to you. You still might actually be succeeding. You might have more capacity than you did six months ago and just not realized it because you were looking for euphoria when you should have been looking for agency. Getting regulated and resilient is the quiet, very unsexy, but incredibly powerful experience of being in your own corner for once. And that shit is fucking revolutionary. And here's something else that nobody's telling you. This takes time. Whether your dysregulation crept in slowly over years, or you arrived all at once in one single moment. Your nervous system learned to shut down or fritz out or protect you for a very real reason. And you're not going to recalibrate that in a weekend. I'm sorry, I wish you could. I really do. And that's not a flaw in you or the process. That's just how the nervous system works. One mindfulness exercise isn't going to rewire days, weeks, months, years, or possibly decades of patterning. But showing up consistently, even imperfectly, even on the hard days, that's how the magic happens. This is a practice, not a destination, not a problem you solve once and move on from. It's a living, ongoing, deeply personal practice. And practices need containers. Practices need a place that's going to be there on the days when you completely fall apart and forget everything you know, because honestly, that happens to all of us. It even happens to me. But we need somewhere that holds us accountable, not in a punishing way, but in a, hey, remember why you started this kind of way. And that's what the uprising is. It's not just a course and it's not just content, but a place to keep coming back to week after week, because that consistency is what actually makes the magic work. So where do you start? Well, you start with honesty. Before you can build capacity, you need to know what you're actually working with. And most of us have never taken an honest look at everything our nervous systems have been carrying. Not just the obvious stuff, but all of it. The physical load, the emotional load, the mental, social, financial, environmental, sensory load. All the things your nervous system has been quietly managing without you ever acknowledging them. That's what this week's spell kit is for. The stress inventory is waiting for you over at the uprising. And it's a full, honest map of what your nervous system has been carrying. No judgment, no scoring, just clarity. And once you can see it, like really see it, you stop blaming yourself for struggling and you start understanding exactly what you're working with. And that's where real self-care begins. You don't need to throw out your sound bath or your skincare routine. And you don't need to abandon the things that bring you comfort and respite. Those things matter. Rest matters, pleasure matters, joy matters. You just need to know what you're working toward: capacity, agency, and grace. The ability to move through the hard stuff without it knocking you out, and the ability to actually feel the good stuff when it does arrive. That's the goal. And it's worth every bit of practice it takes to get there. And the Uprising is here every week to practice with you because that's what actually makes it work. And I'd like to mention that your membership supports something bigger. 10% of all funds go to the GiveBack Project, which is supporting organizations working for communities most impacted by the systems that got us here in the first place. And if those systems have gotten you completely knocked down, there are free options also available. Your self care is resistance. Your consistency is a revolution. I'd like to invite you to come practice with us. I love you bye.